I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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