Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
