yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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