So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
