Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
accomplished twins. life is a go
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
