Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She just used a chaser for red wine.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
