we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize