It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
