Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
