Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
