Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
