i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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