I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
