My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize