Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize