hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
