Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
