Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
