I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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