You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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