No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
