The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
