After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Text me some of your sweat
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