So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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