You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
