you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
