I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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