watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
