Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize