Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
