your parents love me but you hate me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Randomize
