I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wish my penis had a tongue
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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