I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize