omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I will be naked everywhere
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
