I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
