I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
