So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
