i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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