Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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