This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
