wanna go halves on a baby?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize