I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
