By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
