The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
