WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
