when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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