He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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