He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
