I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
