is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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