i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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