I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize