He asked me if I "almost moaned"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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