I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize