Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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