What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
