john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
