You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
