dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
