Duck Duck Cougar?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
