margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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