You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
