I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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