I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
